They say that the section house one is redoing equates to a part of the body or spirit that needs some work. I can attest to the truth of that hypothesis. Yes, embarrassing as it is to say, bladder issues due to fibroids coincided with a basement project. The new roof happened within months of a neuro-issue that needed to be looked into. The reno of the kitchen came at the time when I just could not get enough -- I was starving for more: more love, more work, more challenge, more of something new and different.
Perhaps, this spring make-over has to do with the thing I need most to do and have been avoiding forever. The outside of me. I do not doubt nor am I overly critical of my inner landscape. I like me -- and those three words do not come easily. It's take years to be able to say that. I think I am smart enough, funny enough, reliable, creative, calm (mostly) and soft-hearted. Time has not hardened me nor made me turn inward. Let me say it again, if only for my sake: I like me.
But, good god, the outside of me is a whole other story. I have trouble walking. My back hurts. When I look in the mirror, I see a swollen blowfish. Sure, I like my eyes. I can feel people respond to my smile. I can be, on a good day, pretty darn cute even as large as I am. But, boy, I need to redo the exterior. For my health. For my day-to-day living. To remove even the slightest chance that someone I need to know will avoid me because of the wrapping I come in.
How I wish I could hire a crew of three to stripe it all down in five hours. Toss some new topsoil on me. Bundle up the remains for the garbage truck to pick up.
This will be a test, the biggest challenge of my life, but it will be worth it, to lay myself bare. To bring my heart closer to the surface. It's spring, let the pruning and tilling of my body begin.
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