41 reasons

1. That first picture of blue flowers that caught my eye. 
2. All of the other photographs that catch my eye.  
3. Being willing to communicate with someone three thousand miles away. 
4. And not just communicate, in that fluffy way, but trusting that complete strangers can build a sacred place. 
5. The excitement I would get every time one of those emails came through from papayamaya. 
6. All of those emails, every single one.  
7. Because, in many ways, they let me see who you were and let me begin to reach for who I am. 
8. The delicious way you mix words, no matter what the context. 
9. Your last lines. 
10. The fact that your writing is specific yet universal, and that it makes the reader extend and lift.  Yes, it's like hot air (not that kind) which is always -- because of its nature -- expanding and rising. 
11. The ways you helped me just by believing in me, or something in me.  Your support of my work and life and writing. 
12. Basketball. 
13. Your long legs. 
14. Your willowy solidness. 
15. Watching the way you take chances and find ways to get to and near the people you know will be guides to you. 
16. Your willingness to fall in love.
17. And believe in love.
18. Even when it's maybe not love at all. 
19.  Being witness to how you have figured out love. 
20. (And being so very happy for you that you made it to the place you have always sought). 
21. Swinging by for a couple nights in your poetry car.
22.  Asking me if I would want to taste your meal at Fire (which I am sure you do not remember), but it was the kind of gesture a friend makes to another. 
23. Cooking Traveling Chicken (or something like that) for me, showing me how easy it is to make rice and applesauce.  
24. Your appreciation for my life on my little street, even though -- at that point -- it was so different from the way you lived.  The fire pit, the neighbors.  How you loved holding baby Aria on your lap, leaning back against you. 
25.  How, thinking about it, that seems like a million years ago.  How you have stayed the same since then, at your core, but changed and grown so much. 
26. How you take scary things and covert them into launching points for change.  How your back is strong and your face is beautiful.  How every scar is a road that propels you farther. 
27. Typerider. The whole thing. 
28. Sharing Grace Moore, who now is someone so many more people admire and love.
29.  Hanging out at my house again a second time.  This time with the world's best sag vehicle, so attractively huge that people wondered what the heck was happening on Dellwood. 
30. Watching the way you talked to Hannah, my neighbor, who wanted to share her poetry with you.  How I am sure you have done that thousands of times since then while knowing, for each individual, it's the first time. 
31. How you create that space,  the one that makes people want to open their sheltered parts to you. 
32. How you made time for me alone, on the porch and in the car. 
33. How I really needed that, even as much as I liked the hustle and bustle of everything else. 
34. How I am crying now -- about that -- even though I don't know why.  Maybe it's because I have a hard time believing, with its growing nature, that I am still one of your people. And, I am always so grateful when I realize I am. 
35. The way you needed to spend that good-bye night with Grace.  So sweet you two are together. 
36.  Letting me be part of the next day morning.  That ritual.  How I got to carry a word all day too, even though you were gone.  
37. Tingle.
38.  For giving me Celeste, and knowing how important that gift would be. 
39.  How I cannot wait to see what is next in your life. 
40.  Because you are a brave girl. 
41. And always will be.